Mathematics is a rich and beautiful playground of ideas, the apex of human creativity and ingenuity, applicable to all the world around us: humankind's best effort at understanding and describing the universe. Mathematics examinations aren't this. They're uninspiring and trauma-inducing, with an emphasis on routine calculations and easy-to-grade problems. Why the disconnect? This article is an account of two instructors in dialogue, negotiating the tension between their implicit educational values and desired outcomes for their students, and the pragmatics of administering and grading a final examination. Both wish the best for their students, but are mindful of the many, many constraints imposed by institutionalized education. Unlike the questions on the exams they eventually offer, there is no correct answer to the question: what is an ideal examination in postsecondary mathematics?